Elite Auto Rental Blog

The plain and ugly truth is that I’m fat. Not rotund, big boned, husky, or a wee bit plump. I’m not biggest loser fat, beached whale fat, or for God’s sake put your shirt back on fat, but I’m fat.

And like most Americans, I’m hoping for some painless way to take the weight off.

You know sort of like the big three automakers are hoping that the Obama administration will pay their legacy health care costs or loan them billions of tax dollars when they have a cost structure that makes them non-competitive.

We’re Americans; we believe that there is an easy answer.

We can take two maxislimdetatrimfasts and the pounds will just melt away while we sleep.

Forgive me for being in such a foul mood, my college roommate keeps sending me things that make me think we’re all doomed and that we are sinners in the hands of an angry God.

Naw, we’re just suckers for someone who tells us what we want to hear.

One of the greatest recent examples has to be a new — I kid you not — cookie diet from Dr. Siegal.

Forget exercise, more veggies, or 45 minutes with a German personal trainer named Helga.

Have a cookie. The pounds will come right off while you’re sleeping. The cookie diet lets you eat your choice of chocolate, blueberry, banana or coconut cookies.

Shut up. They’re meal replacements. Letters are flowing in from everywhere with news about the cookie diet.

(Images in today’s post courtesy of talented photographer D. Sharon Pruitt. See more of her pictures in her Flickr photostream. Images licensed under Creative Commons attribution only.)

The cookie diet slogan: “Controls your hunger so that you can stick to your diet.”

Uh-Huh. Nothing like replacing two of three meals with cookies to break you of the desire to eat.

Only in America. The place where people believe the government can borrow (or worse, print) 850 billion dollars and spend it on buying votes and that will create prosperity.

You can have free health care and a first time home buyer mortgage that you don’t need to repay. We’ll tax the rich to pay for all of it.

Have a cookie, no really, they work.

What next? The thick cut bacon diet?

These meal replacement cookies are low carb and low calorie, but according to Jodi Mallender-Farrell’s article in the Miami Herald, the cookies might be dry and not taste good.

They may even taste so awful that you’ll be able to control your hunger.

Fat chance.

(Image courtesy of DFW Elite Car Club, a car sharing club in Dallas, TX.)

Wake up America! No one is going to take your beater on a trade for a dream car or let you experience driving a Ferrari for free. No tooth fairy and no Santa Claus.

Actual results may vary. Past performance is not a guarantee of future results.

You can have a cookie if it makes you feel any better.

I’d recommend the thin mints from the Girl Scouts. Grab the milk container, open a sleeve and watch bikini girl on American idol. I heard she got that body from the cookie diet.

This article written by SEO web copywriter Eric Anderson. His recent writing projects include a Fort Worth car storage site and a Tampa Florida mortgage website.